Misery loves company. Remember this old saying? I've heard it from my grandmother, mother, elders...and recently, I found myself saying it to a group of middle school students.
These young students have the same problems that we had when we were growing up. Jealousy and envy; they just use a catchy word to describe it..."hater".
The Urban Dictionary has numerous definitions of the word “hater’. Here are a few:
Hater, a person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. Rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.
Hater, A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for. A person who speaks badly, and/or takes negative actions in attempt to create problems for a successful person.
Hater, A person that develops a strong dislike for another, solely basing their own opinion on personal judgment rather than objective merit. The formation of a hater's contempt commonly arises from jealously and/or resentment.
Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t really want to be the person he or she hates; rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch. For example;
Susan: You know Kevin from accounting is doing very well. He just bought a house in a very nice part of town.
Jane (hater): If he is doing so well why does he drive that '89 Taurus?
There have been songs written about jealousy and envy or haterism: the act of hating.
“Backstabbers” written in 1972 sung by the O’Jays:
"They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place
The backstabbers, backstabbers!"
“Jealousy” written in 1986 sung by Club Nouveau:
“They told me if I'd help them
They'd be in debt for life
But when I turned my back to get support
They stabbed me with a knife
I don't need jealousy no
I don't want the bad talk around me
I don't need no jealousy
I don't want the bad talk around me.”
“So Good” written in 1999 sung by Destiny’s Child:
This is for the haters that had said we wouldn't make it
Now we're down platinum and now you can't take it
For all the people 'round us that have been negative
Look at us now, see how we live
I stay down with my people, all the ones who keep it real
Didn't get caught up and how that make you feel?
All the things I'm doin' that you thought I never could
I want you to know that I'm doin' so good.
“Hate on Me” written in 2007 sung by Jill Scott:
If I could give you the world on a silver platter
Would it even matter? You'd still be mad at me
If I could find in all this a dozen roses
Which I would give to you you'd still be miserable
In reality I'm gon' be who I be and I don't feel no faults
For all the lies that you bought
You can try as you may break me down when I say
That it ain't up to you gonna do what you do
Hate on me hater now or later
'Cause I'm gonna do me you'll be made baby
Go 'head and hate on me hater I'm not afraid of
What I got I paid for you can hate on me.
The same issues continue to stifle the hearts and minds of the innocent. At what point in life do we realize that we need one another? That we are connected. That by the mere fact that we are human helps us to understand and feel and hurt and and cry and laugh and love…
Those middle school girls were searching for answers to questions that I did not have the answers to. All I could tell them was unfortunately, you will always be hated for something. No one is immune! The songwriters wrote about it to relieve their pain. People will hate where you live, your car, your clothes, your hair, your friends, your life, your opinion…YOU! While they say they hate you, they hate themselves most.
Love anyway. Love anyhow. Love always…Celebrate the successes of others. Give to those less fortunate and love, love, love, your enemies.
Love, there’s nothing better than love. There’s no one better than love.
Kristal
