One Accord

Ladies, let’s talk for a moment. Why do we hate each other so much?

We constantly sit in judgment of one another. We want to know how she can afford that car, that house, how she got that man, does she have kids, do her kids have the same father, is she educated, who does she hang out with, where does she hang out, does she drink, does she smoke, whose her baby daddy…sometimes, we barely open our mouths to say hello! Y’all know what I am talking about!

Why can’t we just be happy for one another? I often ask God this question. Now I’m asking you…How do we fellowship with one another and strengthen our bonds as women?

Think about it? It’s ridiculous the way we treat one another. We smile at each other and give “half hugs” and the “air kisses” but as soon as we leave each other’s sight we are thinking about something negative to say.

Women need to bond. Women need to know that we share the same struggles. We need to fellowship, one to another, and break down those barriers that cause us to crawl into our shells.

Remember when you had a best girlfriend. You told her all your secrets. You couldn’t wait to talk to her each day. Almost every minute of the day. You asked her opinion on everything, and most importantly, she had your best interests at heart. She loved you just for being you.

Then we grew up, or should I say we got older. We don’t trust each other. We are in competition for everything from careers to men! You see it perpetuated in the media on those television shows that end with the word “Wives” and start with “Real”. Why don’t we show love and kindness toward one another as adults?

How many of us are going through something? I mean really going through something and you are feeling so much pain. You want to talk to someone. You’ve already burned up your momma’s ear and you are hurting. You’ve prayed and cried, cried and prayed, then prayed and cried some more. You are looking for someone to talk to…someone to cry with…someone just to be in your corner. Someone to listen. Are you praying you had you had your best girlfriend back. That person you can trusted…that person that you called, anytime day or night and she listened!

Women understand another woman's pain. From our teenaged years we know how it feels to be rejected, abused, lied to, and lied about. We know how it feels to not be apart of the “in crowd”. We know the pain of not being pretty enough, not being skinny enough, rich enough, smart enough…

It stops now!

Right now, let's make the decision to be on one accord.

ACCORD:

To harmonize, reconcile, to grant or concede

To be in mutual agreement, or harmony, willingly without being asked.

To be in one accord is for everyone to agree, with no one dissenting

DISCORD:

Disagreement, a harsh or confusing noise

Quarreling, the struggle to win out where there is a conflict or disagreement.

In order to be on one accord we have to have a single mindedness. I’m not saying we have to agree on everything but in our disagreeing we are supportive. We genuinely care about each other. When our sister does well we are truly happy for her and supportive. Supportive both in what we say and what we do… I’ve got your back.

Kristal

The Power of No!

I was attempting to get ready for church and like every Sunday, I was having trouble deciding what to wear. If you know me, you find that hard to believe. I am an admitted clothes hog. Is there a 12 step program for my addiction? Moving on...

As I rifled through the racks, finding clothes I'd forgotten I'd purchased...clothes that I had not even worn...some I've grown tired of... and some I've outgrown. As I tried on the third outfit and fourth pair of shoes...don't ask...I finally asked myself, is this necessary?

At that very moment I looked around the room, that has become my closet and realized, that this room was a reflection of what was happening in my life.

Outgrown, over flowing, overstuffed, disorganized, misused, unnecessary...

I didn't need 12 steps to understand that having more shoes than Emelda Marcos is not necessary. My life had become stuffed. My day job, my night job, my community commitments were causing me to OVER COMMIT...and that caused me stress. Quite frankly I grew weary and like my outdated clothing, I realized that some things are just NOT necessary.

It's not necessary for me to have such an abundance of clothing that I can't remember buying them. It's not necessary to say yes to every request. Requests to attend every birthday party, cookout, fashion show, seminar, bridal shower, wedding, graduation, meeting and house warming. Requests for loans, which turn into gifts because that loan is never repaid. Requests for help. Yes, I said it! I had to realize that I don't know everything. I can't do everything... and I don't have enough money, time or strength for all the people who ask for something. As my Pastor says, "I ain't all that!".

Now my epiphany about what is not necessary in my life has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with me...and I'm glad about it!

I've learned to say NO! Ahhh yes, the power of NO! You see since I've said no to you, I've found new passions. Saying no to you keeps me stress free. I don't have to send your calls to voicemail. Saying no to you has cleared my schedule! Saying no to you has taken away sleepless nights. Saying no to you has helped me find the time and money I thought I didn't have. Saying no to you has shown me what is necessary....ME!

Misery loves Company

Misery loves company. Remember this old saying? I've heard it from my grandmother, mother, elders...and recently, I found myself saying it to a group of middle school students.

These young students have the same problems that we had when we were growing up. Jealousy and envy; they just use a catchy word to describe it..."hater".

The Urban Dictionary has numerous definitions of the word “hater’. Here are a few:

Hater, a person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. Rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.

Hater, A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for. A person who speaks badly, and/or takes negative actions in attempt to create problems for a successful person.

Hater, A person that develops a strong dislike for another, solely basing their own opinion on personal judgment rather than objective merit. The formation of a hater's contempt commonly arises from jealously and/or resentment.

Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t really want to be the person he or she hates; rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch. For example;

Susan: You know Kevin from accounting is doing very well. He just bought a house in a very nice part of town.

Jane (hater): If he is doing so well why does he drive that '89 Taurus?

There have been songs written about jealousy and envy or haterism: the act of hating.

“Backstabbers” written in 1972 sung by the O’Jays:

"They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place

The backstabbers, backstabbers!"

“Jealousy” written in 1986 sung by Club Nouveau:

“They told me if I'd help them

They'd be in debt for life

But when I turned my back to get support

They stabbed me with a knife

I don't need jealousy no

I don't want the bad talk around me

I don't need no jealousy

I don't want the bad talk around me.”

“So Good” written in 1999 sung by Destiny’s Child:

This is for the haters that had said we wouldn't make it

Now we're down platinum and now you can't take it

For all the people 'round us that have been negative

Look at us now, see how we live

I stay down with my people, all the ones who keep it real

Didn't get caught up and how that make you feel?

All the things I'm doin' that you thought I never could

I want you to know that I'm doin' so good.

“Hate on Me” written in 2007 sung by Jill Scott:

If I could give you the world on a silver platter

Would it even matter? You'd still be mad at me

If I could find in all this a dozen roses

Which I would give to you you'd still be miserable

In reality I'm gon' be who I be and I don't feel no faults

For all the lies that you bought

You can try as you may break me down when I say

That it ain't up to you gonna do what you do

Hate on me hater now or later

'Cause I'm gonna do me you'll be made baby

Go 'head and hate on me hater I'm not afraid of

What I got I paid for you can hate on me.

The same issues continue to stifle the hearts and minds of the innocent. At what point in life do we realize that we need one another? That we are connected. That by the mere fact that we are human helps us to understand and feel and hurt and and cry and laugh and love…

Those middle school girls were searching for answers to questions that I did not have the answers to. All I could tell them was unfortunately, you will always be hated for something. No one is immune! The songwriters wrote about it to relieve their pain. People will hate where you live, your car, your clothes, your hair, your friends, your life, your opinion…YOU! While they say they hate you, they hate themselves most.

Love anyway. Love anyhow. Love always…Celebrate the successes of others. Give to those less fortunate and love, love, love, your enemies.

Love, there’s nothing better than love. There’s no one better than love.

Kristal

"ME" Time

I just returned from a fantastic mini vacation. It couldn't have come at a better time. Another year ending, a new year beginning... Personal conflicts, business issues and just a serious case of the blues.

I've always looked at vacations as a chance to recharge, to revive, to invigorate. This trip meant rest. No clocks, no appointments, no responsibility. "ME" time.

The beach, 80 degree temperatures ( I live in a cold climate), and beautiful sunsets were just the prescription, for the mind boost I need to get through a new year.

My vacation was going as planned. I slept late. I ate what I wanted. I played on the beach and I slept when my body told me to sleep. Then... it happened! I saw the most breathtaking sunset. I watched the sky covered in a blanket of blue became an awesome splendor of red and orange. I witnessed the magnificent sun appear to drop from the sky and be swallowed whole by the blue, green ocean.

Then, I witnessed the sunrise. God woke me just in time to witness that same, fire filled sphere, rise from the depths of ocean to take its rightful place in the eastern sky, to provide light and life to everything in its wake.

Now, I've seen sunrises and sunsets before...but, what I witnessed was so much more!

With every sunset, we have another chance. Another chance to try again, to get it right, to begin again, to be reborn, to apologize. With every sunrise, we have another chance to love, to be loved, to live and to thrive!